He just appeared out of the blue again. Cant even remember why we ceased communication 3 years ago, but its nice hearing from him.
he is being flirty and I am being cordial. He says I've put a spell on him but I chalk that up to the fact that we were never intimate. I was with (with?....I know I know) Bumble then and I dont sleep around.
He wants to get together and I told him I am bringing a chaperone. I seriously doubt he would try anything....he was always a gentleman...but I am not taking any chances. Plus I dont want him getting the wrong idea.
I wasnt interested back then, I'm not now. But he was a good friend to me when I needed one.
I'm still in love with Ray. No matter how many dates I go on. No matter how many men flirt. I love him.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Christmas
Luna, Spike and I spent the afternoon in New Windsor with Dennis, Dali, Dano, Jorge, Yolie, and the kids.
Kim showed up to drop Derek off....I was polite.
I missed my dad so much this year. I hate that he never got to see Luna.
Neither Jason nor Hannah wanted to go. Jason I think just wanted avoid gossip and criticism. Hannah was probably still ngry with me. She's always angry with me.
At what point do you stop blaming others for your life and take responsibility for your own happiness?
It's just so sad. I love my daughter, but I am tired of paying for past mistakes. It's going to come to a head and I am going to have to make a decision to either smooth things over or let her go.
Luna asked for Bumble a few times yesterday. When we got home she ran to his pic and started telling him about her day.
Heartbreaking....
I'm back on Methyldopa. The dr is pushing again to have those cysts and or my ovaries removed. And I have to see a hand surgeon about the lump on my wrist.
I'm very tired.
Kim showed up to drop Derek off....I was polite.
I missed my dad so much this year. I hate that he never got to see Luna.
Neither Jason nor Hannah wanted to go. Jason I think just wanted avoid gossip and criticism. Hannah was probably still ngry with me. She's always angry with me.
At what point do you stop blaming others for your life and take responsibility for your own happiness?
It's just so sad. I love my daughter, but I am tired of paying for past mistakes. It's going to come to a head and I am going to have to make a decision to either smooth things over or let her go.
Luna asked for Bumble a few times yesterday. When we got home she ran to his pic and started telling him about her day.
Heartbreaking....
I'm back on Methyldopa. The dr is pushing again to have those cysts and or my ovaries removed. And I have to see a hand surgeon about the lump on my wrist.
I'm very tired.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
New Beginnings
Well I've given up on getting my computer fixed and getting my manuscript back......BUT! I've started writing again!
I changed a few character's names, decided to remove specific characters, and add newer ones. I've also decided on a different story arc for my main characters.
I am going to post some of the excerpts here to keep in case I have another system failure. Sigh...! I really hope I can get this published. If only some of those other publishers had kept a copy and mailed it back to me along with the rejection letter.
Either way I am starting over. In more ways than one.
I thought having Luna was the beginning of something beautiful, and it was but I feel there is something waiting for me....something wonderful in this book.
In other news...I dislocated my shoulder again. I cant explain how painful it was popping it back in. I've been in a bit of pain. Dr C is doing my follow up on Saturday. She'll probably prescribe more pain killers. yay!
Oh and its finally busy at work. Mike told me not to get used to it though. In January it's going to be slower than the Earth's rotation....groan!
Need to take a break right now. I've been so nauseous lately. My stomach seems to be really sensitive the past couple of days. Maybe its what I've been eating... and the commute combined?
I want some red wine!
I changed a few character's names, decided to remove specific characters, and add newer ones. I've also decided on a different story arc for my main characters.
I am going to post some of the excerpts here to keep in case I have another system failure. Sigh...! I really hope I can get this published. If only some of those other publishers had kept a copy and mailed it back to me along with the rejection letter.
Either way I am starting over. In more ways than one.
I thought having Luna was the beginning of something beautiful, and it was but I feel there is something waiting for me....something wonderful in this book.
In other news...I dislocated my shoulder again. I cant explain how painful it was popping it back in. I've been in a bit of pain. Dr C is doing my follow up on Saturday. She'll probably prescribe more pain killers. yay!
Oh and its finally busy at work. Mike told me not to get used to it though. In January it's going to be slower than the Earth's rotation....groan!
Need to take a break right now. I've been so nauseous lately. My stomach seems to be really sensitive the past couple of days. Maybe its what I've been eating... and the commute combined?
I want some red wine!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Unfulfillable Wishes...
I asked for a Pandora bracelet for Christmas. I probably wont get one, but its ok. I just feel naked after having sold my favorite one. Having a new job is great but it is going to take quite a while to replace everything that I sold, and that was stolen from me.
It's taking everything not to cry about it. I should be used to struggle and sacrifice. I had to sell my jewelry and boots to make sure Luna and Spike could eat. If they had gone hungry I would have died.
I hate asking for help. It makes me feel weak. I probably should have asked. But of course it never comes without its price.
Recently I cant even say what I would like without someone biting my head off, or making me feel guilty for it.
I do everything on my own. I take care of everyone. I cant even say what I wish now without feeling guilty for wanting it.
I had a nice birthday at least. It was a nice surprise.
I cant really tell anyone about it though. And I feel if I bring it up the memories wont be received with the same love with which I thought it was given.....
That makes me feel lonely, but there's this saying again: Some of the best memories are the ones you cant tell anyone about.
It's taking everything not to cry about it. I should be used to struggle and sacrifice. I had to sell my jewelry and boots to make sure Luna and Spike could eat. If they had gone hungry I would have died.
I hate asking for help. It makes me feel weak. I probably should have asked. But of course it never comes without its price.
Recently I cant even say what I would like without someone biting my head off, or making me feel guilty for it.
I do everything on my own. I take care of everyone. I cant even say what I wish now without feeling guilty for wanting it.
I had a nice birthday at least. It was a nice surprise.
I cant really tell anyone about it though. And I feel if I bring it up the memories wont be received with the same love with which I thought it was given.....
That makes me feel lonely, but there's this saying again: Some of the best memories are the ones you cant tell anyone about.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
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