I don't like getting angry and I hate feeling hurt even more. I get the bare minimum that he can offer. He used to give me so much of his time and when things went downhill he disappeared. I cant stress how that broke my heart. I don't like thinking about it. It makes me cry all over again. To think about how I was alone and had no one to hold me and touch me during the pregnancy. It made me so physically ill that I was put on bed rest for awhile. I almost lost Luna.
But I keep forgiving. I cant help it. I see him and nothing else matters. I hold him and there is nothing more that I could ever want in the world.
But then he goes again and I am left alone and wanting more, and not just for me. For Luna too.
I used to think I was weak, but I let go. He is the one who came back. WHY?? I keep asking and not getting an answer. Why did he come back? Why does he come back? I just want to know that.
He asked me if I couldnt tell how he felt by his actions. Of course I cant. He told me he loved me and then he didnt anymore. He told me he wanted nothing to do with me and then he came back. He told me he would never touch me again and he did. Of course I dont know. I am confused. I just want to know where we stand.
My heart keeps breaking a little more every day. He makes me so incredibly happy when we are together. And because he is the one who has taken up that space in my heart I cant think of letting anyone else in.
I have come so far from where I was. I dont want this to make me turn bitter again. I am trying so hard not allow this to happen.
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